Teachers have kept track of some funny offerings by students over the years. Here are some samples:

The future of "I give" is "I take."

The parts of speech are lungs and air.

The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.

The general direction of the Alps is straight up.

A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.

Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.

The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.

One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

One by-product of raising cattle is calves.

To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.

The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.

The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.

This paper needs a few comas.

When papa passed away they burned his ashes and brought them home in a urinal.

We sat down to a picnic dinner of fricken chicasee.

You shake milk in a big stirrer machine to make it homicidal.

It was so hot during football practice that a lot of kids keeled over from nervous prostitution. Rusty Banazek broke his clavichord in scrimmage.

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Of course, parents have offered some

odd excuses for kids' absences as well.....

"Dear Teacher: Stanley had to miss some school. He had an attack of whooping cranes in his chest."

"Dear Teacher: Lynda was away as she had stripe infection."

"Dear Teacher: Please excuse the stink on Bill's clothes. We've been spraying the garden because it is full of abnoxus incests."

"Dear Teacher: Please excuse Jane. She had an absent tooth. Wednesday she will have an appointment with the orinthologist."

"Dear Teacher: Please excuse my daughter's absence for the past week, as she had a case of the fool."

"Please excuse Mary for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot."

"Please excuse John for being. It was his father's fault."

"Please ackuse Fred being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and 33," wrote a parent who lives by an unusual calendar.

"Susan was absent from school yesterday as she was having a gangover."

"Sally could not come to school today because she was bother by very close veins."

"Joey has an acre in his side."

"Please excuse Frank from P.E. for a few days. He fell yesterday out of a tree and misplaced his hip."

"Please excuse Cindy from Jim yesterday. She is administrating."

"Please excuse Phillip for being absent. He had a cold and could not breed well."

"Please excuse Amanda. She has been sick and under the doctor."

"Please excuse Jill from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps."

 

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